I learned early in my speaking career that the best answer is to just say no.
I had a young intern who came to me to ask me to officiate her wedding. My hypocrisy only goes so far, as Doc Holiday said in the movie Tombstone.
Many of my colleagues in the speaking business jump at every opportunity to make a dollar. Big mistake.
What if we just said no to things that are not appropriate in business? Same goes for life.
Unlike many of my semi-retired friends in the business, I have avoided the temptation of coaching others for a fee. Instead, I have collaborated with my local Toastmasters Club over the years to do the same thing… for free.
Too often in life, we jump at the temptation to be somebody’s hero or shero. Do not do it. Collaborate? Yes. There is no guaranteed success in any business, especially public speaking.
Most of the gifted orators I have met in my life bring their own firsthand experiences to the platform. There is true legitimacy in their message because they lived it… or in many cases lived through it.
Many of these want-to-be speakers see dollar signs and easy money. It is just not so. Every successful speaker I have met over the years built their platform excellence around their personal life message.
The same could is true for every mentor in my life. They lived their message.
I often quote the great pitcher Dizzy Dean who said, “When you done done it, it ain’t braggin’…” Though grammatically incorrect, you get the message.
I have found (the hard way) that giving advice to some people is an invitation to disaster. There should be boundaries in all relationships, especially those between a mentor and another person.
It is okay to say no to others if you do not want to do it. What if you have more on your plate that you can manage? That could lead to a disappointment for the very person you are trying to help.
It is okay to say no if you legitimately do not have the time. It is okay to say no when someone is forcing you to say yes. Frankly, it is okay to say no if you think you will be unhappy with the result.
There are a lot of reasons to say no to others, especially if it is not right for your own soul.
The best reason I have found to say no is not because I am so busy but rather because I do not choose to be that busy.
There is an art to saying no. First, do not lie. Second, do not make excuses. Third, do not over-explain yourself. Finally, just decline the opportunity, but thank the person for thinking enough of you to come to you for counsel.
Michael Aun, CSP ®, CPAE ® Hall of Fame Speaker a contributing author to “Million Dollar Strategies” (Riverbanks Press)
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